Key Life Lesson – The Time Spent Comparing Your Life To Someone Else’s Is Time Wasted On Living And Creating Your Best Life
Comparing ourselves to others is ingrained and is part of our cognitive abilities. We compare our abilities, knowledge, possessions, appearance, financial situation, and level of success. While these comparisons may benefit personal growth and motivation, they can also result in low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and frustration.
Social Comparison Theory
Developed in 1954 by psychologist Leon Festinger, social comparison theory posits that people define their personal and social values based on how they compare with others. Later research shows that people who routinely compare themselves might find motivation for self-improvement. However, people may also experience unhappiness, remorse, or guilt, which can result in destructive behaviours.
The Pitfalls of Comparison
- Theodore Roosevelt called comparison “the thief of joy.” While social comparison can motivate people to improve, it can also promote superior, judgmental, and excessively competitive attitudes.
- Comparisons can make us feel terrible when we compare ourselves to those who are models for specific traits. For example, we regularly see images of beautiful people on television and in magazines. Comparing oneself only to the most attractive people is biased and unrealistic. Still, the need to compare is intense. Research has found that more than 10% of daily thoughts involve some kind of comparison.
- Social media exposes us to images of people on vacation, at parties, and having fun at special events. Spending too much time on social media can harm self-esteem and contribute to anxiety and depression.
- When we think about people we believe are better than we are, we can fall into the trap of negative self-talk. For example, a person may tell themselves, “I’ll never do this as well as he does.” Or “I won’t get a promotion like she did.”
- Comparisons can discourage you from acting. Suppose you enjoy playing tennis. However, you notice that other players are skilled at the sport. You might think they are much better than you, making you reluctant to play.
How Can I Stop Wasting Time Comparing and Create My Best Life?
We can spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others and beating ourselves up if we think we’re not as good. That requires mental energy you can use to work toward your goals and dreams instead.
- Think about what you want to achieve by comparing. Suppose you want to become a great photographer. If you compare yourself to someone who is already a great photographer, it’s only useful to focus on becoming more like them. What kind of camera do they have? Did they take photography classes? Do they use Photoshop to edit their photos?2. Consider whether you are making a biased comparison. For example, rather than compare yourself to one person, list the top 5. Comparing with more than one person will prevent the bias of comparison.
3. If comparisons make you feel pessimistic about yourself, consider your positive traits and accomplishments. Use the power of optimistic self-talk to improve your mindset.
4. Avoid too much social media. Try setting a limit on how much time you spend on social media each day.
5. Practicing gratitude by focusing on what you already have rather than what you lack. Reflect on your accomplishments, goals, and loved ones.
Conclusion
Comparisons are a normal part of human cognition and can be helpful in the self-improvement process. However, they can also cause us psychological distress. Don’t be too hard on yourself – the path to self-improvement begins with self-compassion. Comparing yourself to others doesn’t increase your status or respect—just your anxiety and insecurity.[1] [2]
[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com
